Anole's Coconut

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 02:39:20 GMT

1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
Probably

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Trujillo

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
not even close

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
About half an hour ago with Evan- he's a cop on a team that specializes in narcotics/gang activities. We were discussing Chicago sports

5. Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
I don't think so...

6. Listening to music?
96.3 in hopes of winning concert tickets for this weekend

7. What are you excited for?
My upcoming lunch date

8. What were you doing yesterday?
I did some of my never ending to do list and worked in the morning, then had a work-meeting in the late afternoon. Then I came home and vegitated and watched some of the DVD of season two of "24"

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
I can't remember... it's been so so so freeking long. I'm not sure anyone actually loves me right now, but for once I'm actually ok with it.

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
a Mango iccee (damn it was good)

11.Do you have a best friend?
She's dead.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
Scared, no. Highly skeptical, hell yes.

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
My old boss Peter Verros. God knows he would have deserved it, but I'm just not up for assault charges. ::sigh::

15.What time is it right this second?
5:40pm CST

16. What do you want right now?
Go for a long, long drive and not worry about when I have to come back

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
a picture? Maybe at my cousin Justin's wedding last summer (July 08)

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
Mostly single

19. When was the last time you cried?
Uuuuuum... wow I don't know. a while

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I don't know... they'd say we have a good relationship, I don't think it's as good as it once was. I don't think they like me very much, but that bothers me less than it used to. What does bother me is that they seem incapable of trusting me at all... ever. It gets exhausting.

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
Hard or impossible- take your pick. I don't think I'm missing out on much though. I just find that most people don't really give a damn about others. Maybe superficially, but when it comes down to it it's survival of the fittest, and it's much safer to trust nobody but yourself.

22. How fast does your mind change?
Infrequently

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
No... I'm glad Sandy will be back in the states soon, and I kind of wish Evan would text me back, though he's probably working and I'm sure I'll talk to him later. If anything the question is backwards- I really just want some time to myself right now.

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
No- I've been fighting back an anxiety attack for about 3 or 4 weeks now. I guess I'm ok in a more superficial way though.

25 Why do you think so many people cheat?
Because no one is trustworthy anymore.

26. Tell me what's on your mind?
Trying to figure out what to do about my bank and how I'm ever going to fix it... identity theft's a bitch.

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
New tattoo! Maybe i'll even have it done at the tattoo expo that's coming up...

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
Yeah, but it's not such a big deal for girls to wear guy clothes

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
?

30. When is your next road trip?
I haven't taken a road trip in forever... I think that next winter I'm going to see if I can plan some sort of ski trip. Maybe hit the UP or something.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
I don't have anyone I can tell everything to, no matter which gender. Sandy's the closest I can come to fitting that bill, but I find that most people have some sort of expectation as to who they think you should be.

32. How's your heart?
As far as I know it's doing alright.

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
Most days

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
Nope. The kids seem to love me in their own way- three cheers for Billy, Eden, Taily, and Buddha. Fishie and the aquarium fish are pretty spiffy too, but I don't think the fish even know who I am.

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
Finish this survey, go out for a run (hopefully before it rains) and then I'll probably clean some lizard tanks, and read. Work cut me at the last minute because I have too much overtime, so I just wasn't prepared to kill an entire evening.

36. Next time you will kiss someone?
Hopefully a week from today, depending how things go. But I'm not really looking for anyone

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
No

38. Who do you not get along with?
Parents mostly. or asshole customers who treat me like crap, or con-artists

39. What does your third text on your phone say?
third recieved "how was track?" from Evan, third sent "I've never been too good at sports. I ran cross country in school and one season on track. I do bowl but not with a league" to Evan.

40. What are you wearing right now?
Black T-Shirt with a yellow buddha on it that says "rub my belly for good luck", black panties and a purple bra. Haven't gotten around to finding pants yet, but I probably will.

41. You're locked in a room with the person you last kissed, how is it?
What kind of question is that? What is this question even asking?

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
Maybe a couple months ago...

43. What's your fave boy and girl name right now?
Tristan and Charlotte

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
Panic- I just got this new phone and haven't mastered setting the alarms yet, so this morning the alarm didn't wake me up at 9.00 like it was supposed to, instead I woke up on my own around noon. I'm not as lazy as that sounds, noon isn't really sleeping too late when you don't get off work until 2am (then add 45 minutes of driving to get home, time for a shower, food, feeding and playing with the kids (read: lizards) and usually a little unwinding before I can get calmed down enough to actually sleep)

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
i'd take a text, but I could generally do without phone calls. there's only one person who's call i'd welcome right now, i would say 2, but it's 12.30 or 1.30 in paris right now, so i don't anticipate hearing from sandy. oh, but sandy- if you read this and you have a chance can you call me before 4.30pm cst on tuesday? i really need to get your opinion on something

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
I try not to do it as much now. i have trigger finger and cracking them either feels so so so good, or hurts like all hell.

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?'
talking to my dearest buddies in the chicago police :)

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
LAFP

49. Whos the first B in your contacts?
Beth- 727278-1790. It was the name I put crystal under in my phone book so my parents wouldn't ask too many questions (they didn't want me talking to crystal). I haven't been able to get myself to delete it since she died. I probably never will.

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
Probably when Armando picked Janine up and dead-lifted her to dump her in the dumpster in back of old work. That was, like, pee-your-pants kind of funny.

51. If your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
hell yes

52. Last awkward moment?
Um, maybe at work yesterday when I got suckered into demonstrating the proper way to present wine in front of like 30 coworkers and almost all of the managers. I didn't realize they were looking for volunteers, I thought it was just a "raise your hand if you know how to do this" and then somehow I was the only one with my hand up.

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
I love and prefer the dark

54. Do you have good vision?
Not great, not bad. I was told I look better without glasses, so I've been trying to do without and it's do-able for the most part, but driving at night is still a bitch.

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
Probably

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yup

57. Are you Irish?
Some

58. Do you use chap stick?
Yes, but not that brand

59. Do you have any scars?
Yes, i have plenty of scars, and I love them all!

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
i don't think so... i don't have the kind of energy it takes to hold a serious grudge

62. Name the last person to text you?
Evan (sorry, I'm not in text/phone contact with all that many people)

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
yeah, why not?

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
right this second? probably not, most places prefer people to wear pants.

66. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
the left side if you're looking up at the bed from the foot.

67. Whats the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
try and figure out what the hell has happened to lead to ME getting married...

68. Do you fall for people easily?
Not usually

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
doubtfully

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
sometimes... it depends what things you mean. I'd give anything to go back to last July to keep Crystal from dying. anything. her death has fucked me up worse than any of the many, many, MANY other stupid things that i've done. I can deal with all of it except for having to watch my best friend die on the floor of my apartment. I wake up from nightmares about it, I wake up thinking I can hear the noise she was making as she was dying. I wake up thnking I can smell the stench that was in the apartment when she died- of the vomit that was covering her face and that soaked into the carpet and stained it so badly professionals had to come to get the mark out. I miss my best friend and soul mate calling me and telling me how well things were going, or how shitty life was. I miss seeing her for the first time in months and getting that big hug that just about squeezed the life out of you, and the smell of her hair, the feel of her kissing hello or goodbye, knowing she was the only person who loved me, and who always remembered to tell me that she loved me. I miss being suprised at the color or length of her hair every time i saw her. i miss the anticipation of her coming to visit me, and how damn special i felt knowing she was flying up from florida just to see me, and knowing i was someone special to her. there is so much that i miss, i could drowned in it.

71. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
yes, and a couple times i believed them.

72. Song You're thinking of right now?
'where is my mind' by the pixies

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
i hope so

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
black with yellow writing and picture

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
yep

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
sort of, but i sort of have come to expect it of people. i guess it disappoints me more than anything

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
i doubt it. i'm not sure if i understand it myself. maybe sandy can explain it to me sometime soon

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
i'm naturally a pessimist and an introvert. i wouldn't change it for anything.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
actually, yes. as much as i've sworn off relationships and decided not to look for one, there is exactly ONE person for whom i would go back on it all.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 17:21:25 GMT

my best friend died in my apartment on july 3rd.

i can't believe she's dead

i don't understand what is happening
i don't know what i don't understand

Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:05:42 GMT

anyone reading this who prays- please pray for my uncle bruce. he has a boatload of health problems and has been in the hospital but yesterday things went from bad to worse and now the doctors are saying he has about a 30% chance of making it. so please pray for him, things are not good.

shitty-est january ever

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 04:20:44 GMT

this january has sucked. seriously sucked. lost my car, insurance issues, financial issues, lots and lots of stress. but a new one.

attacked by a pitbull at work.

here's to being bitten in the face, hand, arms and leg.

but it's ok. the owner was horrified (he saw it happen) and he left me a $10 tip for the 'inconvenience'.

i'm sorry, but fuck your ten dollars and fuck the 'inconvenience' he called later because MY blood was all over his precious white dog. how tragic for the dog.

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:16:08 GMT

goodbye car... i really, really loved you.

Sun, 19 Aug 2007 01:29:18 GMT

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Platinum Eagle
Your Superpower is Technology
Your Weakness is Glitter
Your Weapon is Your Slime Blowgun
Your Mode of Transportation is Zip-line

What's your Superhero Name?

cicada season...

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:18:04 GMT

when gui was a little, tiny bearded dragon he used to eat crickets and mealworms and all those other normal critters that reptiles are supposed to eat. but then he was sick and he got used to eating "people food." he usually has tuna or shrimp, carrots, spinach or some other sort of green, pea pods, and then fruit for dessert (he likes red grapes, cantelope, strawberries, watermelon.... just about you name it and he'll eat it). oh, and because of the vet's suggestion he also has ensure at least once a day- he's partial to chocolate but if i don't give him an option he'll usually at least pick at vanilla or strawberry flavors. i don't remember the last time he ate a bug, it's been several years. but it's been even longer since he's eaten a bug on his own drive- i used to have to force feed him worms until i discovered that he likes tuna so much more...

but i guess things have changed.

i thought he'd be terrified of the cicadas- they're big and ugly and they're so noisy that i can hear them through the windows- they're totally going at full volume. so my mom and i thought it might be funny to bring him outside to see one of these little monsters up close and personal. mom brought him out earlier in the week and said that she turned around for just a minute, but when she returned to my boy that gui was chewing something with wings. i figured she must have been kidding. she said he had at least 7 of them, but i didn't think it was possible since he's a pretty small dragon. so the other day i brought him outside to see for myself.

OH MY GOD

gui loves cicadas. LOVES them. every time i bring him out he snaps out of his average, lazy demeanor and goes insane. he runs all over the deck chasing the nasty little bugs, and he packs them down... i'm stunned.

i just came back inside with him- he had at least 6 of them in the 20 minutes we were outside and i finally had to cut him off because i sure as hell don't want to be stuck cleaning up cicada puke. but little gui truly gives every indication that he's enjoying the hunt. i'm just dumbfounded. 100% stunned.

it's so cute, he walks up to one and slowly, almost daintily, opens his mouth ever so slightly and snags it with just the very tip of his little pink tongue. then he scarfs it down and starts to look for another. he's acting just like a real lizard- i'm so excited for him. the last one he ate just now gave him a hard time. he zapped it with his tongue, but it didn't stick. instead it flipped over and started chirping at him- it was the strangest thing. and gui- who is afraid of any sound harsher than the sesame street theme- looked at the thing like it was cussing him out, poked it one more time, and then sucked it down head fist. i can't even say how proud i am. my sweet little boy defending me from the nasty, black, screaming monster-insects. i love him so much :-)

anyhow, i think its time for him to have a bath. i love the little guy, but that doesn't mean i want him giving me lizard kisses with nasty cicada-breath.

i still can't believe him even though now i've seen it with my own eyes several times over...

Sun, 27 May 2007 06:52:51 GMT

i have not felt like this in a long time

a really, really long time.

how is it that you can give one person the ability to hurt you so badly... at what point does someone gain that power? why do people do things that hurt at such an incredibly deep and painful way? either they don't know how much what they say and do can affect someone else, or in some way that i just can't understand- they don't care.

i argue with people. everyone does, don't they? but i can't imagine trying deliberatly to tear someone down. do cut someone to the point that they just crumble apart. the energy it will take to scape myself back together again.

i hurt right now so deeply and completly.

owwww!!! my poor tooth!

Thu, 17 May 2007 03:01:22 GMT

so i was at work and had a kind of funny feeling back at one of my molars. so i ran up to the washroom at the front of the store to check in the mirror and fix whatever was wrong. it felt like a popcorn kernel or something. but i get to the bathroom and look in the mirror- and a chunk of my tooth is gone! GONE! damn! i don't know how it happened- it's uncomfortable but not hugely painful. i'm going on friday to have it fixed. i'm really flustered- and kind of upset. i have no idea what i could have done to break it. i had a piece of gum that was really hard, but it was yesterday i think. wouldn't i have noticed before now? i dunno... the worst part is that my tongue is all sore from poking at it.

so amy from work walked out in the middle of a shift. she left for lunch and just never came back. this is either good for me or bad for me- either way it will effect me. she was a department lead and was the one pushing the hardest for me to get promoted and bumped up to full time. she told the upper-managers i have a degree and the interest in more responsibility. so now that she is gone, i'm going to need to talk directly to some of the other managers about my position. it's a little nerve wrecking. we'll see... but it might be good because i know as a fact that there's an opening now. amy was gone for about a week with the flu or something. then she was back for a few shifts, and then i guess her dad died and she was gone for another week. she came back last week and i saw her once. but i guess the next day (when i was off) she left for her lunch break and never came back. one of the rumors is that her dad left her a lot of money and she decided she didn't need the job anymore. i dunno. it still seems odd to me that she'd just take off and not talk to someone or officially quit. why on earth would someone just walk out? especially if they're in management- she would understand what a crappy thing that is to do to the other people working. i dunno, it just doesn't all make sense. doesn't add up.

after work today i had a really nice dinner with my dad. mom was supposed to be out so just the 2 of us were going to be around- but at the last minute mom was home after all. dad and i went out anyway- we went to a sushi place near where i'm working. i'd never been there and it was really nice- dinner was actually really enjoyable. i had a decent talk with dad and overall things went quite nicely. it was just fun- no nagging, or work or anything annoying. it was funny- we actually talked about gui quite a bit. the whole idea of pets and whatnot- he was saying he thinks i should get a cat (i got bit by a cat at the pet store this morning though, so i'm a little grumpy). i still want a dog. but i think it's quite clear that everyone at my house has fallen in love with gui. he's such a sweetie. he's asleep right now which is odd, he watches the evening tv shows as religiously as my dad does. i hope he's ok... i guess he could be tired. he's shedding and that makes him a little bit more run down. he'll be fine... he's good about bouncing back from just about any and everything. i've been taking him on walks recently- he loves it. it's cute- i let him check out all the flowers and there's this little gnome village in a yard by me and it's just the right size for gui. there's an artist who always paints the shutters on her house with neat colors and patterns, and she's assembling a gnome village in her front yard. it's neat.

anyhow, i guess i should get back to watching lost and dwelling on my tooth. ::sigh:: poor tooth...

it just wouldn't be my life without days like friday

Mon, 14 May 2007 02:47:24 GMT

so i was driving home friday night- doing nothing wrong. as it turns out, there was literally nothing i was doing wrong, or i'm sure i would have paid for it. as i'm turning a cop gets behind me and turns on their lights, so i pull over wondering what the hell was going on. the cop gets out and does the whole flashlight in my face thing asking what i'm doing and where i'm going and can he see my liscense. i say ok and give it to him. then it gets weird. he has me get out of my car and put my hands on the trunk while his partner runs my id. he's gone for a really, really long time. a second car pulls up and a female officer gets out which is when i start thinking something is really, really wrong. they patted me down and searched my car. then the other cop came by and said something about having a possible hit. at this point they have me with my hands behind my back, they cuff me, and they stuff me in the back of the car.

right now i want to stop and say- does this happen to normal people? seriously?

they didn't give me much of an explanation other than my name and a red pontiac came up on a warrant search and they needed to run my prints to see what was going on. so i was hauled off to get printed. they handcuffed me to a pipe while they searched my stuff and whatnot i guess. then they printed me and locked me up. i was pulled over like 10.20pm i think- at about 5.45am they came in, let me out, gave me my ziplock bag with my stuff and said my car had been moved out front. oh, and a nice 'sorry, we made a mistake. there's a 24 hour mcdonalds outside, have a good day'. gee, that fixes it.

today i found out a lot. i got a message on my voice mail that explained it... sort of. a warrant in arkansas came up with a 'laura petersen' with a red pontiac grand prix (vs laura peterson with a red pontiac sunfire). i sat in jail while they hand checked my fingerprints and found out i'm not who they were looking for.

so that's my fun and exciting life. blah. i still can't quite believe this happened. i didn't think people could be pulled off the street while they're minding their own business and get sucked into some screwed up misunderstanding like that. i dunno. i really just dunno.

i'm going to bed now, i'm still tired and stressed. blah.....

Alright I'll do it too- A High School Survey

Tue, 10 Apr 2007 05:32:09 GMT

High School Questionaire

1. Who was your best friend?
Through a lot it was Crystal Diaz, but John Olsen and I were really close for a good chunk of it also.

2.What sports did you play?
None.
I trained for track one year, but never got into the season.

3. What kind of car did you drive?
Haha, I drove my mom's old black Mazda 626 (it wasn't old at the time) and for the second half my mom's Mazda Millenium. I rarely drove my dad's car, and I certainly didn't have my own.

4. It's Friday night, where were you?
Probably at my house doing homework. Sometimes I'd go out to a movie with friends or hang out with people, but I didn't have too much of a social life.

5. Were you a party animal?
Not even sort of.

6. Were you considered a flirt?
Once again- not even kind of. I was really lame in high school.

7. Were you in band, orchestra, or choir?
Orchestra, the pit for musicals, and a string quartet that was just too fun

8. Were you a nerd?
I don't know that I was a nerd, but I was certainly a bookwork and I was always on top of my classes (except for math, and some of the science classes)

9. Did you get suspended/expelled?
No- I didn't get in any trouble until the very last 3 days of school when I had detention half an hour before school. It's a long story and wasn't really a big deal- my mom wasn't even upset when I explained the whole thing to her, and that says a lot.

10. Can you sing the fight song?
I don't think I can sing my high school one, but I remember my junior high one...

11. Who were your favorite teachers?
Guerrin (math), Ljung (English), Billings (ecology), Stone (contemporary world history), Salotti (orchestra- it's because of him that I kept up with violin- what an incredible man), and of course my favorite by far- Frau Case (obviously, German).

12. Where did you sit during lunch?
I just about always ate in the choir/orchestra room, except the the last semester of senior year after Tim and I broke up, when I ate alone in one of the practice rooms and practiced piano. That was such a crappy semester...

13.What was your school's full name?
Glenbard West High School

14. School mascot?
The Hilltoppers

15. Did you go to Prom?
Yep- Junior and Senior years...

16. If you could go back and do it over, would you?
I'm really not sure... I'm glad I'm not really in the position to have to make that kind of decision. I think I remember disliking a lot of the social/emotional crap going on then, but looking back I remember most of the good things the best.

17. What do you remember most about graduation?
It was so painfully hot and we had the ceremony on the football field- some of the older guests passed out so they had to hand out water. And I remember being suprised that there were so many people in my graduating class that I didn't know (but there were 500 people, so I suppose I shouldn't have been so suprised).

18. What was your fav. class?
I always loved German, that was just the best class I could have ever hoped for. I liked contemporary world history which was a 2 semester class, and while I don't know that I "liked" my AP English class, I got a lot of personal satisfaction from that class- it was ridiculously hard with unbelieveable amounts of work and the "I-Search" research project/paper which ended up being 40 pages long for me- but I really learned how far I could push myself and made it through.

19. Where were you on senior skip day?
I'm pretty sure I was in class- there wasn't a lot of point to skipping because I had nothing to do and no one to do it with. But my Junior year I was in ecology where I was the only not-Senior, and the teacher took attendence and then told us to go do whatever we wanted, so I went to Starbucks with a few of the Seniors because for some reason I had my mom's car with me.

20. Did you have a job your senior year?
Um, I don't know for sure when I worked at St. Petronille in their youth ministry department, but I did have that job for a while, I taught violin lessons to a few kids, and at the end of the year I started working at Glen Oak Country Club as a waitress.

21. Where did you go most often for lunch?
Generally just the choir room- but I would walk down to Starbucks maybe once or twice a week, and once in a great while I'd order ahead and literally run to Chin's for fried rice.

22. Have you gained weight since then?
No, I think I might be 5 pounds less than I was.

23. What did you do after graduation?
Worked for the summer as a waitress, and then went to Bradley. If you mean immediately after graduation- there was a party at my house with a bunch of relatives, and Adam AuBuchon, Erik Wotring, Steve King, Brian Wong, their corresponding girlfriends, and I went downtown Chicago for a day, and then we did a day at Great America, and drove up to Michigan for a while. It was a great end to a really unplesant year.

24. When did you graduate?
May 2001

25. Who was your Senior prom date?
Senior year I went with Adam AuBuchon- Junior year I went with Tim Tyler. Both were 2 very, VERY different experiences, but both were also very, VERY fun.

26. Are you going to your 10 year reunion?
If there is one I'll probably go... probably depending on circumstances, but it could be fun.

27. Who was your home room teacher?
I didn't have home room in high school- just in junior high.

28. Who will repost this after you?
Probably Sandy.... (and I'm sorry Sandy!! I totally keep meaning to call, things have been nuts!)

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 04:14:07 GMT

i think i've run out of reasons to get up every day.

damn

Uncle Bruce...

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 18:52:55 GMT

Well, my dad's youngest brother is in the hospital again. My uncle Bruce has been in and out of hospitals... well, ever since I can remember I guess. I've been told that I went with my dad and him to the doctor when he had his knees drained when I was really little. When he came out of the office I guess I ran up and thought he needed a hug because when you're 4 years old that's the only real consolation to seeing a doctor. I was a little too short though and I ran up and hugged him around the knees... it didn't go over too well, but I guess I was probably too young to know. But I do vaguely remember him going in for his 2nd knee replacemet when I was still a kid. But recently he has been in the hospital more and more frequently and staying longer and longer. I guess it was last year that he went in and had a horrible infection in his foot. He gets these "super-infections" and I don't really know why. He has some problem with really, really thin skin, so every time he gets a cut or scratch it tends to get infected. He also has some kind of severe circulation problems, so his feet don't get enough blood and he can't feel them a lot. That ends up with him getting cuts or whatnot on his feet that he doesn't notice until they're a serious problem. He lost at least one toe last year- they thought he was going to lose a lot more than that though, so I guess everyone was fairly relieved that he didn't lose the whole foot. Within the last month or so he got one of those motor-scooters so he can get around again, and that was a really big deal. But this hasn't really changed the problem, and doctors haven't been able to "fix" anything- they just deal with each new onset of problems on their own. It doesn't help that he hates doctors and hospitals and he won't go to see a doctor unless the problem is really huge and unmanageable, or if my dad or his other brother or Bruce's best friend makes him go in. He was in maybe a month or two ago because, for some unknown reason, his foot had started bleeding and wouldn't stop. I still don't know why or what happened- I assume whatever it was was fixed- at least temporarily- because I haven't heard anything new and he went home sometime at the end of February. But now he's back in again, and i still don't know the details. My dad has been at the hospital with him for about a day now, and he doesn't plan on coming back home any time soon. This time, though, things don't sound particularly good. They've finally said that he in all probability will not be getting better. No one has told me anything specific, and maybe there aren't specifics yet, but it's the first time anyone has really said there isn't a chance of him getting better. That we need to start to prepare because he isn't going to have a long life, and that "one of these times he is going to go in but not come back out again." I'd always assumed that while he wasn't terribly healthy, that things weren't so seriously bad. That yes, he'd lost a toe, and maybe at some point he would lose the rest of the foot, but not that he was most likely going to die within the next few years. That's really... I dunno. It just seems really odd.

Anyhow, I should go. Mom just came up and told me that I have to get off the computer because she needs me to vacuum the house (because she's not feeling up to it today) and wash all the cans and bottles from the pantry in bleach and then wash off the shelves and floor. It would be nice if she could ever say that I could take a day off- that it's the weekend and maybe it would be ok for me to just have a little down time. God knows there's enough crap constantly needing to be done during the week- would it be the end of the world if for at least one day I could do what I want to do? There are always reasons that what I want to do isn't reasonable or is too selfish or just can't be done "because (she) says so." Like I'm 5 years old. Ugh... she asked what my plans were today and I actually had things I was going to try and take care of- but she worked her way down my plans for the day and explained why I can't do any of them- even plans for doing laundry and cleaning my car had some terrible fault. I'm not even allowed to leave the house- sigh. K, well now I'm not in a great mood. I guess I should go. Maybe I'll be allowed to check my e mail later. Ugh.

Since I don't feel like coming up with a post, I'll do a survey

Tue, 13 Feb 2007 23:15:50 GMT

1. Height?
5 Feet, 6 3/4"

2.Have you ever smoked heroin?
no- who smokes heroin though? i don't think i've heard of that.

3. Do you own a gun?
no

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
yeah usually. i'm sure they're just waiting to stick me with needles. actually, i have to have blood drawn soon and i'm terrified. i almost thew up after the tb test which is why they put off the blood draw.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
they're ok, but my stomach hurts right now so everything sounds gross

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
probably carol of the bells

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water

9. Can you do push ups?
yes, but i need to be able to do more

10. Is your bathroom clean?
yes, it's probably the cleanest room in my care. go me.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
probably my new ring from christmas

12. Do you like painkillers?
sure, who doesn't? i just took some advil though and i'm waiting for it to work...

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
i have no secret weapon and i don't think i've ever lured anyone.

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
no, but i have my days

16. Middle Name?
Anne Francis

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
my head hurts and i think it's making my stomach hurt
i should put on my glasses but i need to wash them first
why does my dad think something's wrong and what can i do to make him stop asking

18. Name 3 things you have bought recently?
perscription
frosty
gas

Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
water
diet coke
apple juice

22. Current worry?
oh my god i need a job - followed by - oh my god i need money

23. Current hate?
looking for a job

24. Favorite place to be?
in bed or in my car

25. How do you celebrate Christmas?
wake up and put everything in my parents' stockings, wait for my parents to get ready, open presents, eat breakfast, do stockings, clean up, have my aunt and family over, have dinner, go to bed

26. Where would you like to go?
you know, i'd just like to find somewhere warm to lay down for an hour. oh! or to a movie, yeah that would be perfect right now.

27. Do you own slippers?
yes, from frell's mom christmas 05. i've actually been wearing them today

28. What shirt are you wearing?
black thundercats

29. Do you burn or tan?
burn and fade to a tan

30. Favorite color(s)?
black, silver

31. Would you be a pirate?
hell yeah!!!!

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
i don't sing in the shower

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
well, not at night, but i used to hate going down the basement stairs because they didn't have backs and i was always scared someone would reach through and grab my ankle when i was going up

35. What's in your pockets right now?
chap stick and a recipt

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
i really don't remember

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
i never had cool sheets. i had blue flannel ones that were really nice, and white with blue ribbons that had twists going up in stripes

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
all the things that have messed up my back

39. Last time you cried.
february 10th

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
5? hmm (basement, family room, parents room, my room, and i think there's one in dad's office)

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Sandy- no offense

42. Who is your most silent friend?
i don't know if i have quiet friends

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
i doubt it

44. Do u wish on shooting stars?
no, but i think i used to

45. What is your favorite book?
brothers karamazov or requiem for a dream

46. What is your favorite candy?
just plain chocolate- like hershey kisses or just the bars. recently i've gotten really into jawbreakers though

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
oh that's mighty optimistic

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
maybe 'on eagles wings' that's pretty traditional funeral music isn't it? i remember when i was in elementary school going to mr. doppelt's funeral and they sang that and at my grandpa's.

49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night?
sleeping

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
who the hell is calling the house at 6.55am? followed closely by i wonder how much it snowed and if i was going to make it to downers grove

Go Bears :-)

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 00:47:20 GMT

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Bear's game. As he sits down, a
man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a
seat like this for the Bears game, the biggest sporting event in the world,
and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to
come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Bears game
we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find
someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."

On to the next chapter...

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 20:03:14 GMT

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Interesting...

So yesterday was my last day of work with McDonald's which really kind of sucks. On the 17th the supervisor (his name is Paul, he's the person above Eduardo who is the store manager) came in and talked to me and said that if I could not get my certification completed by the next time he came into the store that he would not renew my contract for training. Just with the whole conversation I was under the impression that there wasn't really a way I could win, but I tried anyway and really did put 110% into the last week or so (not that I hadn't been trying my hardest before that, but I cranked it up as hard as I could). So Paul came in yesterday to do the certification evaluation. Normally these take place over the course of a few hours, but he really only watched me for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. He just ripped me to pieces- I guess the biggest area that I missed points on was the kitchen... I had Eduardo stationed in the kitchen as the production manager. So pretty much I feel like he screwed me over hugely. Paul said that if the things in the kitchen had been taken care of that I would have passed. So I'm pretty ticked off with the whole situation right now.

On top of that I feel pretty crappy- I liked that job and didn't want it to be taken away! I put a lot of time and energy, in addition to time that I wasn't actually in the store, but working on paperwork and the other things I needed to do for the program. I'm so pissed off. I don't think they really gave me the chance after the 17th, and the whole program did not go the way I was assured it would from the day I started there. There was no schedule or method- it was all just day-to-day. Whoever was managing that day would do a "oh have you learned this yet? you should probably learn this at some point...." which wasn't the nicely organized program that was described when I took the position. Ugh. But oh well, there's not a real lot that I can do about any of it now. Just start looking for something new I guess.

I don't really want to dwell on that too long. It's best to just put my energy towards better things. Speaking of better things, I went and saw "Pan's Labyrinth" the other day. Frell took me out to see it (it was a big suprise- he didn't tell me what our plans were, just that he had an idea and all I had to do was tag along). It was EXCELLENT.

Seriously- Pan's Labyrinth was EXCELLENT- you all should drop what you're doing and go see it! It was a really unique mix of historical drama and fairy tale. I've tried to explain/describe the general plot to a few people, and I guess I don't do it very well because they say that it sounds really boring, so I'm not going to butcher the story here. But it kind of had the same effect that Howl's Moving Castle did... as crappy and unplesant as a lot of my real life can be, this movie pulled me out of my world and into the story. It was great... I actually have a copy of it that I think I'm going to watch now- but don't get me wrong. The day it comes out on DVD I'm going to buy it- I just don't think I can wait that long to see it again! It also had an excellent sound track too... lots of details to enjoy!

Today's a really beautiful day out. I have a piano lesson that I'm teaching in 2 hours, so in the down time between now and then, I guess I'll start to look for a job. I just don't have any idea what kind of job to pursue... ugh. Anyone have any ideas for me? What kind of career should I try to pick up? I'd love any opinions, advise, or assistance. :)

And with that, I'm off!

i 'm so tired about allwayabeing wrong

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 09:07:43 GMT

and i am

BURNING CRUSADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 07:03:03 GMT

THE BURNING CRUSADE IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

after a lot of waiting, and a bit of fighting, it's here!

it was delivered in the middle of the night with a bacon cheeseburger, fries and a frosty.

now if that isn't the coolest thing ever i don't know what is, really, i don't

ok back to del, midway through installing!

Snow snow snow!

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 04:01:43 GMT

The one thing I really have to say today is that the snow really is beautiful.
Well, that and I had the greatest pancakes for dinner- they were just perfect and had chocolate chips in them and were overall really good and made me rather happy.

This morning I was up early. I didn't have the greatest night of sleep and I had these really awful dreams... there were lots and lots of people and they were all displaced- like refugees, but it was in the US in a big city and in some kind of theatre district. I was running and looking for someone and people kept telling me to go somewhere else and somewhere else and I ended up really high in this balcony and i had to jump over the side and I fell like 4 stories onto the rubble underneath and it really hurt, but I had to keep running... I was fairly happy when I finally woke up and got out of that mess.

Work was long and slow and really boring. Really boring. We didn't even break 1000 for the lunch hour, and it's a Monday!! How annoying... the only reason that hour wasn't a total bust was that a guy came in and got 50 hamburgers, 50 cheeseburgers, and 50 fries out of the blue. Ah well- it was nice, I got out just a pinch early. The ride home was really interesting, some of the roads were plowed, and some weren't so it was slow going.

It was actually a really crappy hour or so after I got back. I don't even want to get into it, there's no point. It's just frustrating and disappointing. Plus it just sucks the energy out of me, and I simply don't have the energy to keep up with these things.

Anyhow, I'm going to go and kill the rest of my night. Tomorrow is another day and it happens to be a day I don't need to go to work.

Sun, 14 Jan 2007 07:48:25 GMT

I am a wonderful person and am loved. I should not forget this.

Mission accomplished.... sort of

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 04:53:52 GMT

Well... I didn't work today! I actually hardly did anything productive, and it was really nice. I did have 2 appointments though, one was at 2pm and the other was at 7pm, but how weird is it- they were both in the same office building. So I meandered out of my house and to the doctor, after that I really just wandered around for a while. I had 780am on and they do a cheap gas report and they said there was gas for $2.19 at the Road Ranger in Lombard, so even though it was entirely in the wrong direction, I went to get cheapish gas. I did eventually make it to Maurice's- I had 3 gift cards there from Christmas, and I got some nice tops. However, since today was designated for fun and goofing off- I didn't try on any pants. Why ruin my fun? Then I had my 2nd appointment and that went way late which really sucked. On my way back I stopped by Walgreens to drop off my perscription and I got stuck in line for the looooongest time. The guy in front of me was yelling and really pissed off about some insurance issue. When they finally finished with him, I stepped up to the counter and the girl was like 'oh I'm sorry, this counter's closed now. You'll have to go wait in that line now' Seriously, what the hell?? So I was kind of ticked off with them.

The only thing I'd kind of hoped for was to get my hair cut. My hair has gotten way out of hand- it's really gotten rather long, but it isn't behaving so I need a trim. Plus now the color has gotten really interesting, and I'm not sure how to fix it- I think I'll need to ask.

Alrighty- Gui left me a "present" so I'm going to go clean that up, and then get some sleep.

How wonderful it was to slack off... mmmmmm :)

Thank God!

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 19:03:33 GMT

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

Today I don't have to work. Generally, even if I'm not at work, I have work I need to do- sometimes it's McDonald's related things, and there's always stuff to be done at home- cleaning my room, gui, sorting, all kinds of crap.

But today I'm just not going to do it. I think I'm going to go shopping... I'll bring a book and my journal so I can just find somewhere to hang out and relax. But one thing is certain

There is no force on this planet that is going to make me work.

Ha.

My 233 Best Friends

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 05:04:43 GMT

This is my current DVD list- I spent forever making sure they were organized right and rearranging my DVD shelving. These are just the 'legal' ones, I have a couple of DVDs burned off of the Tivo (like Bowling for Columbine, March of the Penguins, and the Polar Express, and then Drop Dead Fred which I got free with a pizza but has no nice box to fit on my shelf... there may be more) that I didn't list because it somehow just didn't feel right. But I feel like I've made a nice dent in the kind of organizing that gives me just a little inner peace. I spend so much of my time watching movies. I know some of them maybe aren't the best, but I can blame some of it on gifts, and then some are just guilty pleasures. But these are some of my good friends who are always there in case I need some company. Mmmm....

200 Cigarettes
50 First Dates
28 Days
28 Days Later
8 Mile
8 MM
About a Boy
About Schmidt
Akeelah and the Bee
All About My Mother
Amelie
American Beauty
American History X
Anger Management
Apocalypse Now
The Bad Seed
Bambi
Bandits
A Beautiful Mind
Beetlejuice
Big Fish
Being John Malkovich
Bewitched
The Bird Cage
Birth
The Bourne Identity
Boys Don't Cry
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Bridget Jones' Diary
Bridget Jones- the Edge of Reason
Bring it On
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Bruce Almighty
The Butterfly Effect
But I'm a Cheerleader
Carebears Movie
Carebears Movie II
Casablanca
Cast Away
Castle in the Sky
Cat's Eye
Cecil B Demented
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Charlotte's Web
Chasing Amy
Chicago
Cinderella Man
Chocolate
Christmas Vacation (National Lampoon's)
Click
Cold Mountain
Constantine
Crash
Dawn of the Dead
Dead Poets' Society
Death to Smoochy
The Deer Hunter
Definite Article (Eddie Izzard)
The Devil Wears Prada
Dodgeball
Dogville
Donnie Darko
Doppleganger
Dress to Kill (Eddie Izzard)
Edward Scissorhands
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Evita
Evolution
Fahrenheit 9/11
Fargo
Fawlty Towers- Season 1
Gangs of New York
Garden State
Ghost World
Girl, Interrupted
Ginger Snaps
Ginger Snaps 2
Ginger Snaps Back- the Beginning
The Godfather 1
The Godfather 2
The Godfather 3
Golden Girls- Season 1
Golden Girls- Season 2
Good Morning, Vietnam!
A Goofy Movie
Gothika
Groundhog Day
The Green Mile
Hannibal
Harold and Maude
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Harvey
The Heartbreak Kid
Hero
Hide and Seek
Hilary and Jackie
Hocus Pocus
Home for the Holidays
Hotel Rwanda
House on Haunted Hill
Howl's Moving Castle
I'm the One That I Want (Margaret Cho)
In Good Company
I, Robot
The Incredibles
The Interpreter
It's a Wonderful Life
The Jacket
Jaws
Just Like Heaven
Keeping the Faith
Kiki's Delivery Service
The Last Unicorn
Little Monsters
Little Shop of Horrors
Lord of the Rings- the Fellowship of the Ring
Lord of the Rings- The Two Towers
Lord of the Rings- The Return of the King
Lost Highway
Mad About You- Season 1
Mad About You- Season 2
Matchstick Men
The Matrix
Misery
Monkey Business
Moulin Rouge
Mr. Deeds
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Mystic River
Napoleon Dynamite
The Negotiator
Nothing But Trouble
The Notorious C.H.O. (Margaret Cho)
Notting Hill
Office Space
Open Water
The Others
The Patriot
A Perfect World
Pi
Poseidon Adventure
The Princess and the Warrior
Pirates of the Caribbean- Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean- Dead Man's Chest
Pleasantville
The Princess Bride
Pulp Fiction
Pumpkin
Queer as Folk- Season 1
Queer as Folk- Season 2
Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer
Rat Race
Rear Window
Red Dragon
Reefer Madness
Requiem for a Dream
Reservoir Dogs
Return to Me
Return to Oz
Riding in Cars With Boys
Road to Perdition
Robin Hood
Run Lola Run
Save the Last Dance
Saving Private Ryan
Saw
Saw II
Secretary
Seven
The Seven Year Itch
The Shaggy Dog
Shallow Hal
Shark Tale
The Shawshank Redemption
Shrek
Shrek 2
Sideways
Signs
Silence of the Lambs
Sister Act
The Sixth Sense
The Skeleton Key
Sleepers
Sliding Doors
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Spaceballs
Spiderman
Spiderman 2
Spirited Away
Splash
The Stepford Wives
Super Size Me
Super Troopers
Swordfish
Taking Lives
The Talented Mr. Ripley
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
The Terminal
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
That 70's Show- Season 1
That 70's Show- Season 2
Titus
Toys
Training Day
Trainspotting
True Lies
The Truman Show
Underground
The Usual Suspects
V for Vendetta
Van Helsing
The Village
Vulgar
Wallace and Gromit
Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit
The Weatherman
The Wedding Singer
What Dreams May Come
When Harry Met Sally
Willow
Wimbledon
The Witches
Wonder Boys
Wrong Turn
The Wizard of Oz
X-Men 1.5
XII- X-Men United
XIII- The Last Stand
Xiu Xiu the Sent Down Girl

I also just got back from seeing Blood Diamond which was FABULOUS- some random customer came by a couple days ago and told me that if I go to see one movie this year that should be it- and based solely on this total stranger's reccomendation I decided to give it a whirl. And it was good! Certainly worth my parents' $9!!

But now I have to do some serious book work for tomorrow. If my workbook isn't finished by the time I get to work, I think Lalo might actually explode. We'll see... this is do-able though. I only have some details left to work out!

I have to say, 2007 is going so much better than 2006 had started out.

Oh, and I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but the coolest thing ever happened to me the other day at work. I've been running a lot of shifts so I'll be ready to nail my next certification exam (otherwise I'm fired... no pressure right?) and the 2 senior managers there both said I did well- then when I came in from doing a quick travel path outside (just to make sure things look good and nothing has gone terribly wrong outside) the kitchen, drive through, and front counter crew all cheered for me! They said I'd done a really great job and that I should know that everyone had noticed. God, it felt so incredible to feel like I did something right and that everyone had noticed it too!!! I turned so red... they thought it was hilarious. But that's a nice warm-fuzzy to keep in mind when I get down about work. And though things seem to be going well at McD's, I'm still hoping against hope for the Chicago PD to work out- so far I've managed to go running every day, even when I'm exhausted. Well, except yesterday- last night I was so painfully tired, I couldn't stay awake for anything and I was totally out before 11pm. I love sleep. I should do that more often. But I have Monday off, and that's going to be lovely. Lots of work to do, and I'll probably still have to spend a couple hours in the store, but it's ok- somehow when I'm not scheduled and on the clock and just going in to take care of things for myself it feels much nicer. Maybe it's because I can leave whenever I want and am not tied to the counter, or headset, or window, or whatever the case may be. I do hope life can keep staying this nice... it feels so good to not be miserable :) Who knew?

Did I mention?

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 08:32:46 GMT

I got my letter from the Chicago PD... I'm still glowing. Even a really, really late shift at work didn't suck the joy out of that.

I was proud- my mom even gave me a hug and congratulated me. My dad told me to be realistic and that this letter doesn't really mean anything. He's so against this job. There's his point of "do you know how dangerous that is? do you know the kind of people you'd be encountering? you could get hurt!" to which I kind of think, yes, but what about my 'home' environment? Can the worst Chicago ghetto be that much scarier than what I deal with here? I'll take physical danger over psychological torture any day of the week. Plus you're REQUIRED to move within city limits and I'm pretty sure my parents aren't going to try and follow me.

God I'm so happy.

At work everyone was asking me what was going on (they were like, wow you're in a good mood today. what happened? which was kind of funny... I guess I'm not the most bubbly person huh?).

Tonight's close was PAINFUL- I don't know what to do when people just don't show up for a shift. Especially when you're already missing people for that shift... so instead of getting home at 12.30 (which would be very, very optimistic) or 1am (which is more realistic) I got home at 2am. Not a happy camper there. But who cares, maybe I can move on to something better... I need another huge miracle. But it could happen. :-)

What else.... oh, inspired by Becca's post, I guess the hilight from my Christmas was this really lovely silver ring with a pretty, sparkly amethyst in the middle. I love shiny things. And it's a nice shiny thing! I got some clothes, and a couple gift cards from my parents too, so that was nice. :) I didn't really get 'toys' so to say- frell's dad gave me Nintendogs which is cool, and it's the only 'toy' I got. Oh, and a couple really nifty journals, those are going to be awesome.

Anyhow, I'm still in a good mood. I should sleep... but I might need to read that letter one last time.

Ah, and the last thing- another piece of good mail. I passed my certification for the Illinois Dept. of Public health- I'm food safety and sanitation certified for the next 5 years! If I end up staying in food service, this could be a very valuable thing. If nothing else, it's something that I can stick on a resume.

Ok, bed :)

OH MY GOD!!!

Sat, 30 Dec 2006 20:22:53 GMT

I got a letter today
I'd entirely given up on this

From the Chicago Police.... that exam I took back in early June...

out of over 3000 applicants, 1255 people qualified after taking the exam. I am number 846!!!!!

The letter they sent me said to IMMEDIATELY begin training for the physical part of the exam...

I
am
stunned

OH MY GOD!!!!! Is it really possible that I could still get my dream job?

just....
oh my God

I don't think I remember being this happy in a long, long time.

it's so good to be happy...